Courage Comes Before Confidence

Jun 4

In the many years I’ve been supporting women in leadership, I continue to notice something that I think we should talk about.

So many women I work with are highly competent. They have the skills, the experience, the answers, AND…they don't always trust themselves to use them fully.

I call this the Confidence vs Competence Gap.

What the Gap Looks Like In Action

Women tend to wait until they feel 100% ready before they speak up, apply for opportunities, or put their name forward.

Men are often comfortable moving forward when they feel about 60% prepared, trusting that competence will follow the action rather than precede it.

Harvard Business Review found that men will apply for roles when they meet roughly 60% of the qualifications, and women typically wait until they meet 100%.

What that means for closing the gender gap in leadership is that incredibly capable women rule themselves out of opportunities long before anyone else even gets a chance to consider them.

Where We Get Confidence Wrong

Most people treat confidence as a prerequisite, something you need before you can take action. In my experience, it works the other way around.

Courage comes before confidence.

Courage is that feeling you get right before you do something that matters, when you're scared shitless, AND you show up anyway.

It's what gets you in the room, gets your voice heard, and carries you through the discomfort.

Confidence? That usually shows up afterward, once you've done the hard thing a few times and realize, "Oh, I actually can do this."

Your Inner Critic Loves to Exploit This Gap

Your Inner Critic is that voice that whispers, "wait until you're more ready," "don't rock the boat," "be more certain first."

The Inner Critic gets loudest right before something that actually matters to you. The closer you get to something worth doing, the more it has to say about why you shouldn't, can't, or aren't ready yet.

Most women I work with have been listening to that voice for so long that they've stopped noticing it's even there. It stopped sounding like a critic and started sounding reasonable.

When you listen to the Inner Critic long enough for it to sound reasonable, you start shrinking back and playing it safe before you even give yourself a chance.

What would change if you flipped the question?

Before you’ve built up the voice of your Inner Champion, silencing your inner critic starts small. One simple shift at a time.

Instead of asking "Do I feel confident enough?" ask "What would courage look like right here?"

Those two questions point you in completely different directions. The first one sends you back. The second one sends you forward.

That switch, from waiting for confidence to choosing courage, is what moves you toward your goals.

Keep Closing The Gap

This is exactly the kind of work we do in the Champion Women's Program.

We tackle that Inner Critic head-on, close the confidence gap, and help competent women claim the space, opportunities, and leadership they absolutely deserve.