What Would You Do If You Didn't Wait to Be Fearless?

Recently, before speaking at a University for a women in business conference, I told a friend I was nervous.

She wanted to encourage me, so she said, "That's okay. Be fearless. Be confident. Fake it till you make it."

I understood what she meant, but those words didn't land for me. I mean, I wasn’t feeling confident. And faking it felt like I'd have to leave myself at the door, be someone I’m not, which isn’t something I’m willing to do.

So the question I brought to that room full of students was this:

“What would you do, and more importantly, who would you be, if you didn't wait to be fearless? If you didn't wait to be 100% confident? If you refused to fake it?”

Shifting Your Mindset to ‘Do It Scared’

Showing up, even when scared sh*tless, is something I’ve been doing for a long time.

There’s a story I often come back to when I explain this concept. One of the most memorable times in my life, because it involved literally submerging myself in my greatest fear to reach my goals.

My greatest fear is deep, black water.

I have been terrified of it as long as I can remember. Ever since I was young, my brothers thought it would be funny to hum the Jaws soundtrack every time I went swimming. I couldn’t help but look down into the water below me and picture shadows moving, waiting to get me.

On top of that, I’m also claustrophobic. I hate feeling like I’m boxed in or unable to escape.

But neither of those fears stopped me from becoming Atlantic Canada’s first female scuba diver. (They just made the journey more interesting.)

I like to share this story because it helped me understand the mindset I teach others in coaching and in the Champion Women’s Program. To push past fear and reach for opportunities you’d normally be too scared to go for.

Becoming Atlantic Canada’s first female scuba diver was my desired outcome. And I was willing to move through the vortex of discomfort to make it happen. That fear wasn’t something I could just get over; I did it scared.

The Posting That Changed Everything

Things shifted for me when I was working with the Naval Reserve. My job wasn’t rewarding at the time; I mostly felt like I was walking around with a clipboard, going through the motions.

Then I saw a posting. The military was looking to recruit scuba divers.

On paper, it matched things I genuinely valued: physical challenge, being outdoors, travel, and doing something that actually mattered.

There was also this: if I completed the course, I would be the first woman in Atlantic Canada to do become a naval scuba diver.

It was the spark I needed at that moment in my life, a challenge that would land me in the history books in my own way. It would challenge what had been done and could be done by women in the military.

I signed up.

I didn’t mention the claustrophobia or the fear of dark water. I decided that the opportunity was worth the discomfort I would feel on the way to my goal.

The course was hard. There were drills and exercises that tested me in ways I hadn't anticipated. There was not a single moment when I felt fearless. I was scared every time I went in the water.

If I had waited for that feeling of being ‘ready’ or being ‘fearless enough,’ I would never have finished the course.

Fear Less. Not Fearless.

So how does someone who’s terrified of deep water and tight spaces become Atlantic Canada’s first female scuba diver?

The trick was not to focus on eliminating fear. That was never going to happen! So I decided to ditch trying to be fearless and instead focus on fearing less.

Two very different things.

Fear was not a stop sign for me. It was a signal that the drills, the hard days in the water, and the personal challenges I struggled with while showing up and fearing less were leading me to something worth doing.

Don’t Wait To Feel Confident; Become Confident Along the Way

I think we look at confidence backwards. Normally, someone would wait to feel confident before signing up to become a scuba diver. As if confidence is a prerequisite to achieving our goals.

In my experience, courage comes before confidence. Courage is what shows up just before you do something that really matters to you. It helps you start moving in the right direction and carries you through the discomfort along the journey.

Confidence comes after, once you've done the hard thing and come out the other side. You can't borrow it in advance.

You Don’t Need To Fake It Till You Make It

The other piece I rejected was the "fake it" approach. To me, authenticity is not optional, or something I can just leave at the door when it’s inconvenient to be exactly who I am. I wanted to be an example of what it looks like to be fully yourself and still do hard things.

That meant I had to decide to be the diver before I became the diver. I had to trust that I already had what it took: the perseverance, the courage, the values. Not that I would have them someday.

What If You Decided On Courage Instead Of Confidence?

That choice, to have courage and act before I was ready, changed my whole life.

I did complete the course. I became Atlantic Canada's first female military scuba diver. But what I want you to understand is what that one decision unlocked.

The course got me into the gym, which led me to elite athletics and eventually ranking third in the world in my sport.

At the gym, I met the man who became my husband of 32 years. We built a family together with two adult children.

That course also gave me something that caught the attention of a Fortune 100 company during a job interview. They did not hire me for my grades; I was a C student at best. They hired me because they could see how I led by example, how I showed up with authenticity, and how I operated with courage. Those are the skills that matter in leadership, and they were built in that diving course.

The Question I'll Leave You With

We all have an inner critic. It gets louder the closer we get to something that actually matters to us.

When I was in the water, my inner critic was screaming at me. Who did I think I was, trying to change the course of women in this field? Who did I think I was, trying to do something I was so fearful of? Why not just give up? Why not do something safe?

Your inner critic thinks it’s helping you. It thinks it’s keeping you safe. And when you recognize it, it loses some of the grip it has on you.

You do not need to wait until you're fearless. You do not need to manufacture confidence you don't yet have. You do not need to perform a version of yourself that isn't real.

You already have what it takes. The question is whether you'll trust that enough to act on it.

What would you do if you stopped waiting?